Define "chronic" masturbator.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
