she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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