so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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