Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize