i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
