the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
