and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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