Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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