I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
