My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
