i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
