I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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