the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
