I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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