I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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