The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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