she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
