dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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