I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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