Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
