My boss' voice literally gives me gas
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
