In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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