so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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