I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
