hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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