i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize