i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
