The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize