Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
