That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
