my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Semen is not good for contacts.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
