dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
