God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
