Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
