i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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