i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
