My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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