You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
