The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
