What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
