Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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