wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
