Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
