Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
