So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
