You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
