Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
