Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
