even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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