What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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