It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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