I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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