Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
