Have you finally orgasmed yet?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
