i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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