i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
