Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
