He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
