Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
