I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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