She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
