Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
