My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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