I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
