I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
