he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
