Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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