You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
