Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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