I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
