If that was your dad, he is hot
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
