I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
