I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
