I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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