we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
