i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
