he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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