You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
