I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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