please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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