Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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