Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
