They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
