Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
