i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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