i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
