then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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