We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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