you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
