Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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