I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I love black thongs
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
