I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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