he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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